Zach's Plumbers Crack HVAC Services
Let me guess. You got here by mistake.
The wrong parts, at the wrong price, installed incorrectly.
Still here?
We’re probably not going to show up. If we do, expect us to be late.
You called us, we gave you a four-day window, and we still managed to miss it. When we finally do arrive, expect a lot of sighing, heavy breathing, and a minimum of three trips back to the supply house because we forgot the freon.We specialize in fixing the things we broke during the initial installation. Don't ask us about SEER ratings; we barely know what day it is. But hey, our invoices are definitely printed on real paper.
Our Guarantee
Guaranteed to have to give you your money back.
We use only the finest refurbished parts scavenged from the scrapyard behind the Waffle House. Why pay for new when you can pay for "gently charred"?Our technicians are fully uncertified and have watched at least two YouTube tutorials on duct tape application. If your AC blows lukewarm air that smells like stale corn chips, that means it's working perfectly.
Pricing Model
We make the numbers up as we go.
Flat rate? Hourly? We prefer the "spin the wheel of misfortune" pricing model. We will look at your shoes, gauge how desperate you are, and just add a zero to whatever number pops into our head.Payment is expected in unmarked, non-sequential bills, or roughly their equivalent in copper piping. We do not accept credit cards, checks, or criticism.
You must be desparate.
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